Dr. Driving's Selection of Driving Psychology Issues -- Part 7
What B.A.D. Drivers Do
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Newsgroups: rec.autos.driving
Date: Week of Sat, 28 Dec 1996 20:24:20 GMT
How to be B.A.D. (Bona fide Asshole Driver)
Contributors to this list:
ez@netcom.com
lp@curly.cc.emory.edu
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tm@ix.netcom.com
um@cc.umanitoba.ca
tigress@cc.gatech.edu
- Drive with your high beams on all the time.
- Do the exact speed limit in the fast lane.
- If you're in the right turn lane and then decide to go straight, make everyone behind
you wait for the green.
- It's nobody's business where you're going. Don't use your turn signal when lane
changing.
- In a traffic jam and a bike is coming up lanesplitting, move over so he can't get by. If
you have to sit there, he should too.
- Don't move over for a big truck coming down a hill.
- Adjust your headlights so at least one of them is always blinding somebody.
- At a four way stop, go first even if you got there last.
- If you have a nice car, there's an unwritten state law that allows you to take up two
parking spaces.
- Park in handicapped spots whenever possible.
- Blow your horn a lot in traffic jams even though it does no good.
- Since there's probably nothing important going on in front of you, use a carphone, put
on makeup or read the paper while driving.
- Don't learn how to set your car alarm. If it bothers people at 2am that's their problem.
- As long as you have 3 centimeters, it's okay to lane change in front of someone.
- Take all exits at the last possible second.
- Run out of gas in the middle lane so it backs up traffic for 14 miles.
- If you're an old person, drive about 45 mph on the freeway and keep driving even though
you're legally blind.
- If you're a young person, a few drinks will help you calm down before getting on the
road.
- If you're middle aged, don't bother taking your kids or parents license away when they
screw up repeatedly. You probably won't know the people they kill.
- Don't worry about learning English. Those warning signs are for other people.
- Ez way to make money: Disconnect your brake lights and drive around slamming on your
brakes until someone runs into you. Then sue for big bucks.
- If one of your headlights burn out, drive with your highbeams on.
- If it's foggy, drive with your highbeams and flashers on.
- To avoid messing up your car, throw your trash out the window. Remember, it's not really
littering if no one sees you.
- If you get a parking ticket, just put it on the car next to you. He'll probably pay it
without even looking at it.
- Coming out of a busy shopping mall and someone is waiting for your spot, sit in your car
for awhile. This is good for loads of laughs.
- Throw your lit cigarettes out the window and use your ashtray for spare change.
- If you bang someone's door in a parking lot, it's their fault for parking outside.
- If you get in an accident, just take off. Your time is more valuable than common people.
- Don't bother registering your car if you're from out of state or country. This state has
way too much money.
- If your car is belching smoke like a medieval dragon, don't get it fixed until they
impound your car.
- In a left turn lane, wait til the last second to go.
- Tailgate whenever possible.
- If tailights are busted, don't fix it. People behind you acutally like that spotlight
when you hit your brakes.
- On a mountain road, don't pull over until there's 136 people behind you.
- Aim for puddles in the rain. Most pedestrians need a bath anyway.
- At a stoplight, wait 7 milliseconds before you blow your horn at the guy in front of
you.
- Drive in the truck route whenever available.
- On a long trip when you're tired, weave around until you get your second wind.
- Don't waste time defogging your windows. You really only need that little circle to see
thru.
- When pulling a trailer, don't spend valuable vacation time hooking up tailights to it.
- Don't pull up to the farthest pump.
- Get some brightass aftermarket fog or driving lights and leave them on all the time.
People will think you're cool.
- Get on the freeway about 33 mph.
- Don't waste money maintaining your car. If it breaks down and backs up traffic, hey your
day's ruined, everyone elses might as well be too.
- Wait til the light turns green before you decide to buy a bag of oranges from a street
vendor.
- If you drive a sand or gravel truck, don't wash out your empty trailer. Your windshield
won't be cracked and the sand will only bother bikers.
- Don't start looking for change until you get right up to the toll booth.
- If there's snow or ice on your car, clear away only a little in front of you. You don't
need to see out your mirrors or side windows.
- Speed up and don't let people entering the freeway merge.
- Speed up when people go to pass you.
- Keep your foot at the same position on the accelerator. So what if you creep up hills
and then speed up going down them as people are passing you?
- Don't bother looking at yield signs.
- Don't bother stopping before making a right turn on red, much less yielding to other
traffic.
- If you're stopped, BEHIND the stop line and not in the intersection, waiting to make a
left turn, go ahead when the light turns amber. Better yet, if you're the third vehicle in
line, go ahead. The people turning left from the side street don't really need their green
arrow.
- Stop in a mall parking lot and wait. In an hour or so, somebody will back out, and those
people behind you have nothing better to do.
- Go the wrong way down a parking lot lane. Those arrows on the pavement are just for
show.
- Hold up everybody trying to turn left out of a parking lot onto a 5- or 6-lane highway
when there's an exit with a traffic light 50 feet away. Hey, only wimps use traffic lights
to make left turns!
- When making a right turn, come to a complete stop first. It helps you see where there's
a parking place before you actually turn in!
- When pulling out in front of somebody, go 10 mph. Then hold them up to make a left turn
100 feet further down.
- Don't pull into a deceleration lane for a right turn until the last minute. Slow down on
the highway instead.
- Don't turn on your headlights just because it's dusk or raining. If you can see out,
that's all that matters, right?
- When pulling left out of a shopping center into a 2-way left turn lane, go ahead and
drive a couple of miles in that lane.
- drive in the center lane of a 3 lane highway at all times. Don't move over for the truck
on your tail, even though he is prohibited from the left lane and you are blocking his
passing lane.
- if you are a parent, dont worry about making the kids wear seat belts, just let them
crawl all over the back shelf, or play with toys on the dashboard. If they get killed in a
wreck you can just make more right?
- when making a left turn swing waaay to the right first, just in case someone is passing
you in the right lane.
- If you are nice enough to turn off the hi beams when there is oncoming traffic, turn
them back on just before the other car goes by. Drivers appreciate hibeams being turned on
in their face.
- Pass someone because they are going too slow. Just after you pass them, slam on your
brakes because you have to turn at the next street.
- Slow down to 40 mph on the freeway to watch someone on the shoulder change a tire.
You've always wondered how to do that.
- Tire-changing may be in your near future, since you've never put air in your tires, and
some of them are almost flat now.
- Stop in the middle of the road to look at a cute animal. The people behind you have
probably never seen a deer before.
- Drive really slow, so you'll have time to double-check the map before you reach the next
intersection.
- Practice you autocross skills in rush hour traffic. After all, if you can miss all these
moving obstacles, those stationary cones will be no problem.
- Drive your 4WD vehicle through snow and ice four, no, five times as fast as those other
idiots in their 2WD cars.
- Hey! That guy up the road is gonna change into your lane! Downshift and floor the
throttle to block him. Do this right and you'll not only foil the would-be lane-changer,
you'll get to do an ABS stop to keep from hitting the car in front of you.
- Change lanes whenever you feel like it. Other drivers (having slain their driving
dragons) will follow Dr. James' advice, and happily accomodate you.
- Fire up the cruise control, kick back, stretch out, and dangle your left leg out the
window. Show the world how cute your toes are!
- Weave back and forth in time to your music. The other drivers _know_ you're not drunk or
stoned.
- Experiment with new ways to scare your passengers. Kill the headlights on a dark
mountain road, or open your door and pretend that you're gonna jump out of the car.
- Ensure proper use of turning signals; when making a right turn, signal left, when making
a left turn, signal right.
- When pulling onto a street, make sure you pull in AHEAD of the only oncomming car, then
drive really slow.
- If you actually happen to do something stupid, swear and give the finger to the driver
who was victim; somehow it's their fault anyway.
- A truck, van or SUV means that you are PLANTED to the ground via some intangible force.
Your vehicle is suddenly a 'vette. Drive accordingly, especially in inclement wether.
- If you're stopped, BEHIND the stop line and not in the intersection,
>> waiting to make a left turn, go ahead when the light turns amber. Better
>> yet, if you're the third vehicle in line, go ahead. The people turning
>> left from the side street don't really need their green arrow.
Better yet: When you are in the middle of the intersection waiting for
the yellow, and it turns yellow, and you get plenty of chances to turn,
don't turn. Wait a few more seconds after the red light is there (even
better if you aren't totally in the intersection so people going the
other way can get by) and finally when the people with the green think
you are not going to turn and start going, turn then!! I have seen this
twice already in the past two weeks!
- Stop in a mall parking lot and wait. In an hour or so, somebody will
>> back out, and those people behind you have nothing better to do.
Or pass some one backing out (they are in the first spot). Stop, block
the person behind you plus the people going the other way, causing a
small jam that is hard to get rid of, and wait for these people even
though now you have made it hard for you to get that spot. Seen that one too.
- Go the wrong way down a parking lot lane. Those arrows on the pavement
>> are just for show.
Hey, they do that all the time in my college parking lot! Just saw some
one today go the wrong way in all the lanes.
Hmmm, my own:
- Run that red light! It's only been red for a few seconds (enough for
you to stop, but who cares about that?).
- Stay as close to the person's back end in the far right lane of the
highway especially if you have plenty of chances to pass on the left.
- Go to the far right of the lane when taking a left turn.
- Start making a turn but change your mind but not before you are
blocking the lane. Even better, don't even try to back up when this happens.
- Make that right turn from the farthest left lane (or vice versa),
especially when their are lots of cars in the other lanes.
- Honk at some one cause they refuse to sacrifice their car for you, for
ex, they won't take that left when their are tons of cars still coming
(or their are tons of cars waiting at the light when it turns green).
- Pass some one, get in front of them, and slow down!!!!
- Refuse to let some one change into your lane (and not just get in front
of you, if they try to get behind you, slow down!!).
Ok, I think I will stop now. I could go on forever with the stupid
driving antics I have seen (Atlanta drivers didn't use to be so bad. They
just recently got horrible).
Comment by Leon James:
The above seems to me to be a form of venting. It does reflect what many drivers are upset about regarding how other motorists drive. To see what I think of venting, checkmy article here.
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